Do you remember ?
by Cummunist
Summary: Hashirama's thoughts as he's fighting Madara, in the Valley of the end. SFW, fluff and lots of feels ! Written for the HashiMada minibang on tumblr, day 14 : Valley of the end.


Ah, Madara .. We have been fighting for a couple of minutes now, both of us using our best techniques to take down the other but my mind keep wandering far away from this. I can't believe we're fighting to death, after all we lived together. You're breaking my heart, Madara, I don't think I ever felt like this before. Even when my brothers died, even when I found Itama, lifeless, after an Uchiha attack. It wasn't the same. Because you're not my brother, you're the only person I ever loved in my life.

Do you remember, Madara, when we first met ? You were stone-skipping, on the Nara river, and you couldn't go to the other side. You were so lame, back then but I could already see that you weren't just any child. I always thought you guessed the same about me and yet, we became friends. We had so much in common, we lost people we loved, we wanted peace and adults didn't seem to understand us. We were so young.

I can still see your smile, back then, as we were training together to get stronger. Because we knew that, if we were to become clan's leader, we could stop that never-ending fight but nothing happened like we planned. Adults interfered and we had to protect our last brother. It broke my heart, when you left, I thought I was never going to see you again. Not as a friend ..

As I push back your attacks, I can't ignore the fact that it all seems so repetitive. We already did that so many times already, before Konoha was created. Every fight looked like the previous one, and yet, it was always so different. Always the same attacks, the same techniques but the rhythm and the ending was always a new one. I loved to fight you, because it was making me strong. And you were getting stronger too. And I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, if we could be stronger than anyone else, we'd be able to achieve our dream. To make this world better.

Was I so wrong to entrust you with my life .. ?

Do you remember when Izuna died .. ? I know you do. You never forgave my brother for it, never forgave me. I can understand, and I never hold it back to you. It was a normal feeling, to hate the man who killed your last brother and I think it took me days to talk again to my brother. I didn't hate him for it, Tobirama did what he did because we were at war. He wasn't especially targeting Izuna, they just happened to be the same lever, in their fighting, just like you and I did, and that's why they were a usual couple to fight. Tobirama told me I was too sensible. I told him he should have never killed Izuna, that we could have bring peace, together but he didn't trust you.

I could have save him. Your brother, I mean. His injury was bad, and he needed the greatest medic-nin in the world and I was there but you refused my help. I felt so helpless, when you left. I wanted to follow you to your camp, to make sure your brother would survive, but I couldn't. I had my men to take care of, and a clan to run. I couldn't help you.

You were right about one thing though. I should have continue to train daily. My breath is short, as we're using so much chakra, and I'm ashamed to say that I'm probably not as strong as I used to be. Peace made me weaker. But you're stronger than ever, that I can tell.

Oh, Madara, do you remember the day when you asked me either to kill myself, or to kill my brother ? You knew I could have never hurt Tobirama. You knew I'd choose to kill myself, you knew perfectly and still, you offered me that choice. What idea did you have in mind ? I still can't understand it all .. I could have show my guts by any other way. But, when you stopped me, just when I was about to tear my stomach open, I thought war was over. I thought we'd never have to fight against each other ever again.

How wrong I was, that day. Look at us, now. It hadn't been a year, yet, since Konoha was created and we're fighting to death. I can't believe what we're doing. We really are stupid, aren't we ? We created this village, because we wanted the children to live in peace, to forget the fear, to grow old and die when their time had come, and not because they were sent to death too early.

I don't know when our path split up. I don't know what I did wrong with you, or what I should have done, to keep you by my side. Maybe it was the words I used ? I guess I'll never know, now. I wanted you to become the Hokage, to be looked up at, and I knew .. No, I know, you would have been perfect in this role. You're a good leader, and you want to protect people, just like you protected your clan during wartime .. But, you lost something .. Something broke, into your soul, and if I truly think it's because of Izuna's death, and the guilt you feel about not being able to protect him, above anyone else, I know it could have been soften. If I even found the right words to make you stay ..

I didn't want to fight you, Madara. I never wanted to fight against you. Whether when we were children, or even later. I loved our trainings, because it was just a game. It wasn't the cold and bitter war we were enduring everyday. We were actually having fun, just like any children should, at our age, and I cherish those memories, I really do. I hope you feel the same.

But, as I look up at you, I now only see the demon people were afraid of. Why do you want to kill me ? You're making me feel hopeless, like never before and I wish I could find the words, this time, to make you stay. I wish I could tell you how much I care about you, how I love you but you'd surely laugh at me now. You're not the man I knew anymore, or maybe you just hiding that part of you. Maybe you're pushing that side of you to be able to fight me ?

Look at me, being stupid again. If only you could hear my thought, you'd probably laugh at me. The Madara I knew would tell me I'm an idiot, that I should stop, for the sake of my life. You'd make that ugly face of yours, just like the time I told you we could crave your face on the mountain if you were to become Hokage. My face looks so dull on it, so banal. It would have been better with yours. You always were such a handsome man, and I know plenty of women that would have been happy to get a smile of you but it was never your thing, wasn't it ?

Ah, I'm sorry Madara, my mind is just as troublesome as my behavior. But I know that you aren't that man. I know what you're capable of, what your mind is made of, I know more of you than anyone in this world and you're not just hate. You're not just scary and all dark and glaring. Yes, your smile was a little weird and people tended to dislike it but they never saw you truly smile, like I did. They never heard you laughing .. It's a shame though. You laugh was my fuel, in the longest days ..

Did you just tear flesh from my arm ? Oh, Madara, what animal have you become .. ? What man would swallow his best friend's meat .. ? I know, I should have seen it coming. You never were like the other, always so different that it made me care for you. I still care for you, but .. But I'm the Hokage now, and I'll do my best to protect the people I care about ..

Do you remember, when we were wandering in Konoha's street ? I was so proud of our village, and you were too. I know you were. I could see that spark; in your dark eyes. People were wary about you, yes, because you never were as socially open as I was but they still liked you. I know you never thought so but .. Just think about it, Madara. Why would people hate you when they knew that you were one of the best shinobi of the world, and you were protecting them ?

We thought together to make sure our people were safe, under Konoha's banner. We pushed back the people who wanted to take down our dream and now .. Now you're one of those people. I can't believe I'm fighting you again Madara, and I hate it, I really do. I can't bear to see your blood tainting your skin and the madness in your eyes. Why must you be breaking my heart .. ?

When I'll be back at the village, I know what Tobirama will say. He'll tell me that he had been right all along, about you, about the curse on your clan. He'll say that Uchihas should never love, because their love was always leading to this terrible hate. I never believe him before, because I thought you were different, because I saw another side of you Tobirama have no idea about but, and I hate to think about it, maybe he was right, all alone. Maybe I should have listen to him. But, how could have, when I was already to deep in denial ?

I still think that you always were different. That, he can't take it from me. There's a side of you Tobirama has no idea about, and will never know and even if he continue to think you're the demon he always saw in you, I'll just pretend not to hear him. Or maybe I'll sulk, I don't know yet. You always hated when I was doing this but it's not like I could stop it, you know. That's just the way I am.

Ah, thinking about my brother isn't helping me, you know. It's distracting me from the fight, and I don't want to kill you. I don't want to end your life tonight, Madara, because I still care about you. I still see you as the child I met, by the river, that child that couldn't skip stone to the other side. It will never change, because those memories are the best I have. Well, there are others, I can't deny but .. those moments were so innocent .. Nothing can taint them. Nothing.

We were so carefree. Oh, so carefree, when we were lie down on the grass, to look at the sky, when we were training to become stronger, when we were just planning our village. Adults would have look down at us and scold us for being softhearted, as if it was a bad thing. People would cringe, if they ever were told that you were a kind child, even if a bit .. overreacting, sometimes. People would never believe it, but you were, and even when growing up, your heart always was so pure .. What changed, Madara ? What happened .. ? I can't understand when you're keeping all this to yourself.

Because, I don't believe in your last speech, the one you gave me in the Uchiha sanctuary. I don't know what's written on that stone, but are you really willing to trust words from a forgotten past, rather that your friend's .. ? Who knows who wrote them ?

I wish I could save you from those words, Madara. I wish I could make you forget about them and come back to Konoha, like nothing of this happened. I know it's impossible, that the path you took is now really far from mine, I know that whatever I can do, you'll never change your mind but it won't stop me from trying. Not because I want to make a point and prove to people that you're not the man they're scared of, but only because I need you. I need my best friend to stay by my side, and to watch my back as I fight. I need my best friend to force me to do that stupid paperwork or to help me sneak away from it.

Look at us now, Madara. Look at us, as I prepare my last strike to take you down. I know you, like nobody else, and I know how I'm supposed to kill you but it's so vicious, so .. terrible. It's hurting me as much as it'll hurt you, that I'm certain but I can't let you attack our village. My village.

Ah, Madara, do you remember that day, so long ago that it now feels like it was a dream ? That day I asked you what it felt like to kiss someone else, and asked you to kiss me, just to have an answer ? Oh, I remember well the look of horror on your face and how you threatened me to beat me for asking.

But then, you accepted, and I was smiling so much that you could barely bear it. You hated, when I was acting like a fool, you always did. I tried to stop smiling, to think of something else but it was hard, as I never was so excited before. And so scared. I just was a kid, but two days earlier, I saw teens kiss each other and I wanted to know how it felt. I wanted to know how it would be to kiss you. So, so stupid of me but you did kiss me. Well, you kissed my teeth, because I couldn't stop smiling and then, you yelled at me for spoiling the moment.

It took me a couple of seconds to actually be ready for it and it happened. I felt how it was, to kiss someone, to kiss you, and I decided that you'd be the only person I'd ever kiss in my life.

I thought I could die happy, now it happened.

But, we grew older and, after I tried to convince you for days, we kissed again. It wasn't the same. I knew it was your second kiss, you never were interested in those things anyway, but it wasn't my second one. I grew up and I've been told that I had to be curious about sex, to be able to make a heir when I'll be in age, and I learnt those other things, those that made me so uncomfortable that I couldn't look up for days.

I don't regret those moments, those minutes I spent with other people, with girls. Not that I'm proud of them but it allowed me to teach you. And to actually feel immortal, as we were sharing a bed.

You never seemed to be looking after it and I always felt like I was forcing you but I've seen the flush on your skin and the lust in your eyes and, if you always were so passive about it, I know you actually enjoyed some of these moments. You only had your ways to do it, and they weren't always easy for me but I accepted it and I loved it. And I loved you too.

I still love you, Madara. Oh, I know how you have those words, how you despite me when I say them but I can't help it. You have been so present in my life, so important that I can't let you go without telling them again.

Do you hear me, Madara, as I open my heart for you, when I'm about to go through yours with my sword .. ?

"I do." you whisper, holding me and the fight is over.

Oh, Madara, why must you always force me to show my guts … ?


End file.
